A Daughter's Desire
by JuliaJekyll
Summary: Jaya is a half-Elf who has always felt more connected to her human side than her Elf side. After her beloved father dies, her cold-hearted mother, Senin, decides to make the journey to the Grey Havens and tries to convince a reluctant Jaya to accompany her. Oneshot. Note: A decent portion of the dialogue is in Sindarin; I've been trying to learn some and wanted to practice.


Mae govannen! So I've been trying to learn some Sindarin (the Council of Elrond website is extremely helpful) and I figured this would be as good a place as any to practice. Translations are in brackets after the Sindarin sentences. If there are any fellow students out there who notice any problems with my Sindarin grammar, do let me know. Otherwise, I hope you all enjoy this little oneshot. There aren't really any LOTR characters in it, aside from a couple of brief mentions.

Reviews make me happy!

"Jaya?" The door to her chamber was opened, and Jaya heard her mother, Senin, step inside. Jaya turned toward the wall, wanting to show beyond a doubt that she did not wish to speak with her.

Senin sat down on the bed. "Jaya, look at me."

Reluctantly, the half-Elf raised her eyes. "Am man le si?" she asked. [Why are you here?]

"Aniron peded," replied Senin. [I want to speak]. "Or is that a privilege no longer granted to me?"

"It ought to be," said Jaya. "Leave me alone. I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

"Oh, I think you might make an exception for this. Unless you wish to depart for Valinor completely unprepared."

Jaya shot to her feet. "U-aniron baded na Valinnor! U-bedithon!" she cried. [I don't want to go to Valinor! I won't go!]

"I am going," said Senin calmly, seemingly unaffected by her daughter's outburst, "and so are you. There is no longer any reason for us to stay here, Jaya, with your father gone. Lu telitha, mar hanniach nin." [A time will come when you will thank me.]

Jaya snorted derisively, not only an unladylike thing to do, but a distinctly un-Elven one. "Ada's memory is here," she said. "I won't go to a place where nothing reminds me of him." Her father, Oric of Rohan, dearer to her than anyone else in Middle Earth, had died the previous year.

Senin barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes. Her Elven composure was slipping, and there was a look of extreme impatience on her fair face. "Jaya," she said, "you'd stay here without me forever? Man cerithach si?" [What will you do here?]

Jaya shrugged. "I'll do what makes me happy. I belong here, Mother. I'm not going with you."

"You cannot stay here forever. Surely you know that."

"Maybe I can't, but I'm not ready to leave yet. Maybe you don't want to stay here, but I still do." Something occurred to her suddenly, and she narrowed her eyes at her mother. "Anirach baded go Elrond?" she asked. [Do you want to go with Elrond?] She was well aware that her mother had been in love with the Lord of Rivendell for many years.

Senin pressed her lips together. "Elrond u-beditha." [Elrond will not go].

"Then you're hoping he'll follow you?" asked Jaya. "He will not."

A spark of anger kindled in the eyes of the She-Elf. "Cenithim," she said. [We'll see].

"He does not love you, nor shall he ever," said Jaya cruelly. "He shall always love only Celebrian."

"Enough," Senin almost snarled. "Jaya, aniron le thaed." [I want to help you].

"U-boe nin i dulu lin!" shouted Jaya. [I don't need your help!] "I shall be perfectly fine on my own. I belong here, Mother; I've told you that already. Heniach nin?" [Do you understand me?]

Senin's eyes were cold. "You'll never see me again, Jaya. Never," she said. "Heniach nin?" she added, mockingly.

"So much the better," replied Jaya.

"I am your mother," said Senin, her voice dangerously low. "I have given you everything."

"You've given me nothing!" retorted Jaya angrily. "You gave my father nothing! You never truly loved him; you lied to him every day, and all he did was try to make you happy!"

"How dare you presume to understand my feelings!"

"I know you, Mother, a u-estelion lin." [And I don't trust you.]

Senin stood up and began to pace her daughter's chamber. "What do you expect here, Jaya?" she asked. She could not understand how her daughter, her only child, could wish to abandon her. "What do you think is going to happen? You expect to fall in love, perhaps? With a man?"

"You think no man could love me?"

"I think an Elf could love you. Do you hate that part of yourself now, Jaya? Do you reject your Elven side, as you reject me?"

Jaya shrugged. "You would leave Middle Earth," she said. "I would leave Rivendell."

"A mas thelithach baded?" [And where will you intend to go?]

"I don't know. Gondor, perhaps…or Rohan."

"You are Elven. You cannot live among men!"

"Half-Elven," Jaya corrected. "Do you hate that part of me, Mother? Do you reject my human side? For it is the side that I would choose, were the choice mine to make. I would rather pass a hundred years of life among men than ten thousand among the Elves. In my heart, I am as human as my father was."

Senin could do nothing but stare. Although she was appalled to be spoken to in such a way, she could not help but be a bit impressed by her daughter's conviction. Jaya sighed.

"Mother, Lord Elrond and Arwen stay because they still believe that they have work to do here. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel of Lothlorien stay for the same reason. As do I. I have a life to live, and I shall not live it in Valinor. Go if you will, but I shall not join you, and I shall not see you again."

For a moment, the two women watched each other, and then Senin broke eye contact. "Very well," she said quietly. "Be iest lin." [According to your wish.] And she walked out of the chamber.

The next evening, Jaya was sitting alone in her chamber again when she heard a knock on the door. Standing, she called: "Man anirach?" [What do you want?]

Senin opened the door a crack. "Aniron peded namarie. Cirar i chair," she answered. [I want to say farewell. The ships are sailing.]

Jaya stared. "Then you accept my choice?"

Senin took Jaya's hands carefully in her own. Jaya did not object. "Gerich veleth nin," said Senin. [You have my love.] "In spite of everything, you are my daughter. I shall miss you." Gently, she kissed Jaya's forehead.

Surprised but glad at her mother's sudden change of heart, Jaya nodded. "I love you too, Mother," she admitted. She had tried to stop loving her, after all that had happened with her father and after all of the coldness that had existed between them, but she had simply never been able to.

Senin raised her beautiful face with Elven dignity. "Namarie, my daughter," she said. "Cuio mae." [Live well.]

Jaya nodded again. "I shall," she said. She gave her mother one last kiss, and then she watched her leave.

After she was gone, Jaya sank back onto her bed. She was free. Nothing more tied her to Rivendell, the place of her birth. She would go to the land of her fathers, and speak only in the tongues of men.


End file.
